“Beside those things (bodily suffering) that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches.”  (2 Corinthians 11)

 

Two of the many things that can harm the heart of the Christ-ian is a fellow believer falling into sin and falling into sin themselves. The passage above from 2 Corinthians 11 speaks to the fact that the care of the church caused Paul more stress and concern that all the bodily stress and pain he suffered over the years of his service to God and to God’s people. That is a rather strong statement, please read Paul’s list of bodily sufferings he endured in 11:23-27.  I dare say that only a minister of Christ can begin to understand that which Paul tells us and very few ministers at that as most ministers I know have not suffered bodily, yet they do suffer concern for Christ’s church.. in other words, I know what it is to be concerned with the state of the Church but not the bodily suffering of Paul.

Paul further tells us in his (2nd) second letter to Timothy that he was betrayed by almost all his associates save Timothy, Luke and Christ, Himself. Paul knew the pain of another believer’s betraying of him, the church, and of Christ.  How many of us have been badly hurt to see someone we love fall away from us and Christ?

John tells his readers in his (1st) first epistle that many have, “gone out from us because they were not of us.”  What heart break this caused the one who remained faithful and suffered much over a lifetime for Christ and the church.  All the Apostles understood this as they all suffered martydom, save John.

What is the cause of this pain? 1. They feel a sense of betrayal.  2. They have the heart and mind of Christ so they know the pain He feels when “believers” turn on Him.  3. The Soul of Christ has no pleasure in them that draw away from Him.  4. There shall be great heartbreak at the white Throne of God’s judgement.

Sometimes, however, some of those that turn from God and return to the world find their way back to Him and they find compassion and forgiveness from Him. How many of us have experienced this divine compassion and forgiveness? From the Book of Acts, we learn of John Mark, the nephew of Barnabus and a fellow servant with Paul. John Mark traveled with Barnabus and Paul but at some point he departed, as he returned home. We are never told the reason for his return home. But praise be to God and God’s irresistable grace and beauty, we now know John Mark as Mark, the human author of, “The Gospel According to St. Mark.”
Reader, I am enjoying goosebumps at this moment. St. Mark, like so many of us, has felt the weight of our Heavenly Father as He fell upon our necks as we prodigals returned from the muddiness of the world?!
Paul, later,  in his epistle of (2nd) Second Timothy 4, told Timothy to bring John Mark with him as Mark would be beneficial to him and the ministry. This tells us we should accept others back to the fold if God has.

Paul also directs the Corinthian church to institute church discipline upon those that live in open sin. But, Paul also instructs the church to receive the sinner back into the church if/when he repents and returns to Christ and the life of faith.
Lest we are to fall away, let us remember our weaknesses and the possibility of our own fall if we stray away. Let us always take heed to our frailties and look to God for His much needed and necessary grace and strength.

The other thing that causes heartbreak in the believer is his/her own falling away from Christ.  We must clarify what we mean by falling away. But (1st) first let us state what it is not. Every Christ-ian has or will grow cold but this coldness does not last long. There are times when one fails to read God’s Word and spend time with Him in prayer, in communion, in practicing a continuous God-consciousness. This is not falling away.  To fall away is the choosing of the lordship of the world and one’s love for the world over the Lordship and one’s love for God. This falling away lasts for a longer period of time than one’s growing cold for a shorter period. This falling away is harder to hide than coldness, as coldness is between you and God whereas falling way will be notices by all and not God Alone.

When one grows cold, they will still attend church most of the time and remain in contact with fellow believers and they will sorrow over their coldness and will envy those with a close walk with Christ. The one that falls away will eventually abandon the church and fellow believers and they will grow angry with those that remain faithful. The one that is cold will make excuse if they miss a service or (2) two, yet the one that falls away will cease to make excuses and will not fear offending those that seek to encorage their return to Christ, the church and spiritual fellowship. The one that falls away will grow in anger toward God and will take pleasure in offending His holiness. The one that grows cold will know they are in the wrong and will even apologize to God for that coldness yet not find a way to return from whence they have [grown cold] for whatever reason.
*****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Reader,
You may wonder how I have insight to these conditions. The simple truth is, “Been there, done that, as they say. I have experienced the falling a way thrice or (3) three times. I am aware that by making these confessions I might lose credibility by being this open. This might even be a stumbling block for some that read me or sit under my preaching/teaching and those that humble me by seeking my counsel. I never want to be a stumbling block, lose my credibility or turn others away from my Biblical counsel. However, I must take that “chance” as I believe far more could be helped by my confessions than those that might turn from my ministries. I believe I know my readers and knowing them, i doubt any will turn from me. I will also state to any that would turn from me…you are in the wrong and your reasons for turning from me will be your true stumbling blocks.

Now, onto my confessions, my observations, and lessons learned:
1. After I was saved as a child, I was not taken to church regularly and I eventually grew cold and fell away.
2. After being saved as a teenager (i’ll explain being “saved” twice as no one is ever saved twice), and once again evading God and the church because God took something from me and would not return it when requested by my prayers and promises. I took to sinning greatly by doing all I could think of that might…that would offend God and hurt Him.

1. I attended a VBS at (9) nine years of age. My neighbor, Pam Schei, who was born (7) seven days after me, invited me and i went.  I heard the invitation at the end of the VBS and I suppose it sounded like a good idea so I went forth, got on my knees and repeated the sinner’s prayer. Was I saved at this point? Honestly I know not. What I do know is that I had a real attraction to the Bible and I would present a false Gospel through out my youth all the way through High School when the subject of religion or God came up. I have always had a very strong and somewhat continual God-consciuosness as far back as I can remember. I never follwed up my childhood “salvation(?)” with church attendence. Later in my teenage years I went “a bit” wrong or rather really wrong.
   I dated a girl when I was (16-17-ish). She was in somekind of a rut. She was a self-cutter and was put in the hospital’s psyche unit more than once. This caused me such pain that to relieve my pain and maybe in attempt to empathize, I began cutting myself, too. At one point I had over (50) fifty cuts at once. I had even put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger and……goosebumps…..the gun failed to go off.  Is there any wonder why Christ is the great love of my life?
   Eventually I was sent to be with my Dad and Grandpa in Mississippi, My Dad was watching out for my G-Pa along with my Aunt Romelle and my cousins. I began attending church as it seemed like church attendence was state law in Mississippi. It certainly was the law according to my G-Pa. Thank God for saved elders.
   During a “revival” service I fell under the conviction of God. It was over-powering and overwhelming to say the least. Those who say, “God is a Gentleman and will never force Himself upon anyone,” are wrong. The Love and drawing I felt at that moment was irresistable and still is!
   To address the “twice saved” problem. *Was I saved at (9) years of age at VBS and was brought under divine conviction in my teen years? *Was I not saved at (9) nine but was saved as a teen? or *Was I saved at (nine) and due to my failure to attend church, I thereby failed to grow in the knowledge of Christ, and in His Grace? or *Was I regenerated at (9) nine and converted as a teen?” I like to think the first, third, and possibly the fourth.
2. The (2nd) second time I fell away was after returning home from Mississippi. I again failed to find a church to attend, my excuse being, “I can’t find the right church.”  This time I did not fall away very far…I was still conscious of God; the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak.
   God’s answer to this was a deeply cut thumb by (36″) thirty-six inch industrial lawn mower blade. I drove myself from Bolingbrook to Hinsdale with a small amount of cotton absorbing the blood.  I entered the ER and they took me right away and as they did I passed out from blood loss….traveling mercy is not a cliche, Christ-ian.
   After coming to, my nurse asked my religious affiliation and i answered, “Southern Baptist” (at the time). Nurse Mary then said, “Oh, I go to a Southern Baptist Church too.” I suggested my doubt that it was my idea of a S.B. Church. Nurse Mary challenged me and suggested that my injury was a Word from God.
   I answered her challenge.
   Through a deeply cut thumb I began attending church again, my mother, and Big Mama (G-Ma on my Mother’s side) began to attend, too. Later, a girlfriend began to attend and professed faith in Christ and was baptized to her Jewish father’s discontent.
   3. But eventually I, again, turned on God because He “took” something from me and refused to give it back. My reaction to God was an all out assault on that which pleases God. I left the church again and began to drink heavily. I would spend my paychecks on alcohol and “gentlemen’s clubs.” I then ran my credit card way up and hurt everyone who loved me. During this time I literally broke every commandment save murder and stealing.
   I can remember one night, during this spiritual tantrum, so clearly.  I had just broken up a couple’s engagement (I was coveting my neighbors soon to be wife), I tried to get at the groom-not-to be but was held back by (11) eleven others and was once again barred from this pub. After all of this I parked behind a gas station and began to vomit outside of my truck…I was like the dog that returns to it’s vomit. At that moment…His Words seemed audible, “What are you doing?” He asked and I confessed, “O’God, I don’t know.” He then told me to do what I do know and that was to walk with Him in the spirit of continous confession, repentance, humility and love.
   Two (2) of the lessons I learned from that night: 1. The worst thing God can do to a person when they fall away is to be O’ So good to them. His goodness and love will be that which breaks them and causes their return and that goodness and love will be the driving force in their eternal loyalty to Him.  2. One can sin in faith.  I never lost my faith or belief in God, my anger and tantrum proved my faith in God.
   During my time of betrayal, I still proclaimed the greatness of God and His Gospel. Even though I was living in sin I would proclaim the greatness of God to those also living in sin without Him. Even during my time with a married, atheist woman I would seek to bring her to Him. When I was dating a witch, yes, a witch…crystal ball, black cat, black buckled shoes, spell books and all the other tripe I would warn her of God’s wrath. Praise be to God, I even learned of a worker in the “gentlemen’s” club leaving her life of sin and of her coming to Christ. Her coming to Christ caused a lot of discussion among the working women and their male clients. Was it right to proclaim God while in such a rebellious state? I know not, but I do know that I could not not proclaim God.

   To summarize in bullet point:
   * God can use anyone to bring about His purpose, even a prodigal.
   * One can sin in faith. My acting out did not disprove my faith but cemented it.
   * God’s love is unconditional, though my love grew cold at times, His never did.
   * The worst God has ever hurt me was by His faithfulness, goodness, and by His love to me during my times of betrayal, my betrayal of that very faithfulness, goodness, and love.
   * Never count anyone out or lose hope for anyone.
   * Through all that I have done and been, I have learned the silliest way to react to anything is by turning on or from God.
   * We will fail Him but by His great grace, we will not, ever again, fall from Him.
   * God’s love can be found in our failures.”
   * We are saints and sinners simultaneously.
   * God remembers that we are made from dust.
   *Finally, We can grow cold, we can fail and we can faulter; God will not.

   Whether I have walked with God from (9) nine years of age or from my late teens, I know God has always walked with me, watched over me, and has loved me with an everlasting, unexplainable, unmeasurable and unconditional love. Something else I know is my life belongs to Him and His life belongs to me. I am His and He is mine. Though I may…though I will fail Him, my love and devotion for Him and to Him will not grow cold and has not grown cold for over (2 +) two plus decades. We now live in a place of God’s Perpetual Presence. His pleasure is our purpose even when we fail. He defines our very person and our very existence.

   To the Godhead be the Glory.

   Godspeed.