“He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him be-times.”                                                                                                                                          (Proverbs 13)

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.                                                                                                                                         (Proverbs 22)

 

Reader,
I am a father of three (3) children.  My children range in age from middle teens to almost Twenty (20).  I have learned a lot from observing these creations of God that He entrusted me to raise up, to mentor, to teach, to love and to direct back to their Himself.
I have gained insight as to our Heavenly Father’s ways, feelings, intentions, and motivations because He made me in His Image and though I was partaker of Adam’s Fall, God has “chosen me out of the world” and made me a “new creature in Christ,”  “Where all things are new.”  He has told me, in His Holy and Most Trustworthy Word, that I am predestinated to be conformed to the Image of His Own Son, Who is also my Elder Brother, Who is Both “Lord and Saviour,”  Who is Both “Alpha and Omega,” Who is Both the “First and the Last,”  Who is Both the “Author and Finisher of my faith, ” And is Both the “Living Water” and the Ark that keeps that which I have committed unto Him….Because, I know Him, Who I have believed.

The above is my predestined end and by God’s grace, by the Father’s Example, Through His Abiding Word, and in accordance to His Will we are to bring my children to their predestinated end as well, through the nurturing and admonishing of their persons and spirits by the Word of God with consistency.
“Come here you little…”  is the antithesis or opposite of proper and profitable chastening and disciplining.  The parent that “acts up,” themselves, in that manner is punishing (Not chastening or disciplining) the child and the parent is doing so in order to relieve himself/herself of their anger and possibly some anger that has nothing to do with the child!!!
I knew a woman, in my younger and prodigal days that had two (2) young boys.  The mother had a lot going on in her life. One day I observed the mother in a fit of anger, say to her young son, “Come here X, !!! I’m going to bash your head in with a [explative] hammer if you don’t!!!…”  Reader, this was not proper or profitable chasening at all, it was mental, emotional, and physical abuse.”
FYI…she didn’t use a hammer and to my knowledge the boys have grown up. This woman’s response or reaction is an example of a person, (I say person in the stead of parent because a parent would not do what she did, her mom hat came off and she was a person beating a kid.) who is stressed, angry, and confused and all that together is released upon the child for some insignificant trifle. This is not proper or profitable chastening, disciplining, or parenting. This is not God’s intention with, “Spare the rod and spoil the child.”
I have heard unchurchers say, “Spanking only teaches the child that violence is the remedy for things done wrong.” In and with the situation above, I agree with the out of Christ-ers. The mother’s punishment was reactionary and self satisfying and may very well be the channel that does, in fact, teach violence as a viable response. Methinks it depends upon the child’s make-up as well. Oh,’ and by the way, This is how a sociopath can be made. A childhood with repeated knee-jerk methods of punishment and abasements can, does, has, and will create a Frankenstein.

“Wait until your father comes home.” This method has it’s upside and it’s down side. If a mother uses this method she risks loosing any parental authority she has.  Mom’s must be able to discipline the child as well as the father…I’m not trying to be humorous but disciplining a child takes a tag team effort. Their must be a united front. The children are the enemy… Of course, they are not the enemy, but they are obviously, at the time, opposed to that which is right and good, hence the need for chastening and discipline in a proper and profitable manner. The mother as Lieutenent, must be able to apply chastening….Remember, the parent who will not chasten or discipline their child does not love them according to God and His Word. In fact, God declares the parent hates the child if there be no discipline or chastening.

In spite of writing the above, there is an upside to the, “Wait until your father gets home” method.” This method allows and affords the child to, “Wait.”  While the child is waiting, depending upon the child’s make-up, and the style of parenting that exists in the home, s/he might sit and think upon the actions, choices, decisions, intentions, and motives that brought this weight upon him or her. This self examination is good as we should all exercise our internal observation skills by examining our selves.

Prior to the stage of actual discipline, the parent must do a few things.
1. Be calm. Never REACT when disciplining. The parent responds, but does not REACT.
2. Realize that you, Mom or Dad, are a sinner (and saint at the same time) with similar inclinations to disobedience.  The parent does not always to the right, proper, or good thing and neither does the child, therefore, when disciplining the child, remember this.  Admit that you too get in trouble with your Father in Heaven and you too receive discipline from Him.  Let the child know that you both are inclined to acts of sin. As the Father chasens the parent, which is out of love and with the desire to teach or train, IE. Discipline and out of a desire to see HIs child profit from the proper manner of chastening.
3. Before the discipline the parent should discuss the why’s, the how’s, the what’s of the child’s actions. The parent should question the why of the child’s choice or action or intention, etc. The circumstances should be discussed and thought through together. The discussion should include an overview of what other options the child had as a choice. This will profit the child in the future to make the proper and profitable choice.
Once the act of discipline [spanking] is completed, the parent must….this is an absolute must….The parent must take up the child and hug him or her and show love and comfort. The incident should be forgotten and buried.  The wise parent will not dig up the incident in the future as it will stink.

Some suggestions or considerations:

1. Negotiate with the child as to how many “applications” the child should receive in the disciplining. This allows the child to be invested in their own proper and profitable chastening. We applied three (3) to seven (7) when we were responsible to God for the disciplining of our children.
2. The parent might consider, occasionally, showing mercy and grace rather than discipline. This teaches the child of God’s grace and mercy as the child views God through their own father.  Allow them to wait and think, arrive, discuss the circumstances of the child’s behaviour, discuss the other options or choices the child had, and when the time of applying discipline comes…extend grace and mercy to the child as your Heavenly Father has so, so many times extended His great grace and mercy to thee. “Pass over” the discipline, take up the child and show love, compassion, understanding, and comfort and cast their sin far away…. as far as the “east is from the west” and choose to remember their “sin no more” just as our Father does with us.

One other point, Not all children need the application of discipline.  Some children have a very sensitive spirit within them. A hard look or an ” I’m really disappointed,” may suffice for some children.  The wise parent must know their own child.

As for the passage on “training up a child…” It has been thought for a long time that that meant teaching them and disciplining them as a way to point them in the direction of uprightness and then there is the following statement, which is a general statement…not a promise, but a general statement, after training them in the way they should go they will not depart.
I heard a minister with another thought on this precept. His thought was this, Each child has a certain bent or a certain inclination to possible future prospects, in terms of careers, vocations, callings, trades, etc. The wise parent…the godly parent will observe this and train the child in that direction and when they come of age they will not depart from that training or calling or career. The child, now grown, will be prepared for what God has for him.

Godspeed.