“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”  (Ephesians 6)

 

In this article we will (DV) write upon things parents should not say or do and things they should do that maybe they aren’t.

We would preface this article with three (3) points or three (3) responses.
1. Fathers are necessary in proper and profitable parenting.  The text above makes clear that it is the father that is to raise the child, with the mother, in the nurture and admonishon of the Lord.
2. Some persons take offense when another seeks to provide instructions in certain private areas such as parenting, these offended parties might think it is none of this writers business on how they parent their children. We would respond with two (2) salient and Biblical facts.
A. It is the fool that refuseth instruction.  (Proverbs)
B.  It is most definitely the shepherd’s appointed task to look underneath the sheep’s wool to make certain all is well, even that which is deemed private.  As Sherlock Holmes would say, “It is my business,” to get into yours.  (Psalm 23)

The third (3rd) point we would make is in defense of those spiritual leaders who may not have children. Whenever a person, without children, makes a suggestion concerning another person’s child, the latter’s irritation rises and they become offended, “Do you have children,?  Then who are you to advise me !?”
The Word of God lays out principles on parenting, as the man of God takes in and hides the Word of God in His heart, those parental principles are part of that which is hidden. Therefore, the man of God, who is thouroughly furnished with his God-given spiritual gifts, and God-given intellect and ability to sympathize is a source that can assist in parenting; this resource from God should be respected and appropriated.

 

In this article, (DV), we will look at some of the words parents use when parenting their child.  It seems to us the form of this should be bullets points to make our study simple.

• “I’m gonna leave you here.”  We were at a restaurant and we overheard a mother threaten her child with desertion if she did not obey. Of course, this mother would not leave her child behind, all of us know that, but the child being a child does not.  All parents want their children to listen to them, hear them, and acknowledge them, but this is one time we do not want the child hear us… Never threaten to abandon your child.
• “Someone is going to take you.”  This can be a threat or a profitable and very proper warning. Whether it is a threat or a warning depends upon the when and where and how of the statement.  If you are in the store and the child(ren) are being childish, as they are children  (sinners sin, dogs bark, cats meow, and children act childish) and you pull out, “Stop it or someone is going to take you a way.”  This is a threat.  The proper and profitable way to teach, warn, or alert your child to the dangers of the world is in a safe place wher the child(ren0 is/are comfortable.  This type of lesson must be taught, “be-times” in order to be profitable.
• “I’m gonna beat you” or ” I’m gonna bash your head in.”  neither of these are acceptable and neither of these are an act of a parent in their proper mind and or disposition. This is mental, emotional, and physical abuse, if carried out.  This is the person (Not parent) taking frustrations out upon a defenseless child. The child will remember this and so will God. “Have you not heard,” “Do unto others as you would have done unto you?”  “Have you not heard,”  “Judge not lest ye be judged?
  Reader, the above admonishons include God.  “Do unto others as you would have [God] do unto you.”  “Judge not [in a manner] lest ye be judged” [by God] in that same manner.
• “I’m going to spank you.”  The above are not acceptable parenting nor are they proper or profitable, however, this warning can be proper and profitable if followed through.  If you, arrogantly and foolishly, draw a “red line” and then not back it up or enforce it with a controlled response, your word loses power and credability.
• “You’re gonna get it.”  This was part of a gimmick Chris Jericho used in his latest run in the WWE.  He would threaten others with, “You’re gonna get……….IT!”  This new gimmick “put over” Jericho (Wrestling lingo). However, Even though it worked for Jericho, it will not work in parenting.  Imagine what you child is thinking when you pull this one out.  They must think, “What is, ‘it’?  Most of the time a parent doesn’t know what, “it” is either.  Parenting is planning and producing that which has been planned.
• “I won’t love you.” Need I even comment on this ?  The parent’s love is unconditional!!!  We love our children because God, “first loved us.”
• Other unprofitable parent-speak includes,  “You’re Stupid!”  “You’ll never amount to anything!”  “Get out of here!”  “I don’t care if you ever come back!”  All of these decry a failure in parenting and lovingly nurturing God’s creation, a creation that has been entrusted to you.  God is watching as His Eyes, “Behold the evil and the good.”

Two (2) other situations the parent wants to avoid is, ” I told you so,”  without using this as a teaching and mentoring moment and an opportunity to comfort, and confirm your child.  The other situation to avoid is ending an arguement, disagreement or a contraversy, by using parental authority.  This appeal to authority is an illogical fallacy and it fails to educate anything proper or profitable to the child(ren). In logic, this appeal to authority is considered weak and it is considered to be a “dirty trick.”  This appeal to authority even has a name!!!  It is called, “Arguementum as Verecundiam.”

 

In order to avoid improper and unprofitable parenting, take the time to teach and train the child(ren) in the home. This will allow you to avoid acting like a child yourself by threatening your children in public.  A method we used, when our children were little, was using the store’s floor. Usually there are squares or shapes and when we were standing and looking at something or standing in line, we would tell the children to, “Pick a square.”  This worked. They would select a square on the store’s floor and they would remain there until time to move.  This was used when they were overly excited as children are proned to be.

As to the similarity between children and “Sponge Bob Square Pants,” Children, like a sponge, retain much of what they see, hear, and feel.  Our child(ren) will remember the way they were treated in their childhood and like the “Babe in the manger,” they, too, will grow up and address many things that were and are wrong. True or false; good or bad; right or wrong, research the Menendez brothers.  I know persons, in the church and out of the church, that are at enmity with a parent. Your kid’s will remember.  THis is a reason God ordered the Israelites to include the young in their killing during warfare. Chrildren, like sin can come back and “find you out.”

The parent should raise the child(ren) as the plant-person nurtures a plant. When nurturing and training a plant, one puts it into a window as to receive benefits from the sun.  The observant plant-person learns quickly that the plant will, by itself, reach toward the sun.  The parent can learn from this, set the child(ren) before the Son, S-o-n, and watch them lean and reach toward Him.

Godspeed.