“And the LORD God said, it is not good that a man should be alone; I will maker him an help meet for him.”

Reader, A Christ-ian marriage doth not promise a happy or good marriage. The ceremony, itself says so. “In sickness and in health, for better and for worse.” Lot’s wife has an end that none would wish for. Job’s wife said, “Curse God and die.” John Wesley’s wife was a stumbling block. By simply adding the word, Christ-ian before the word marriage, this does not promise anything.

I know of non-Christ-ian marriages that are healthier and happier than some Christ-ian marriages.

What makes for a good and healthy and lasting marriage?
*Christ, the Other Man: The blessing and the pleasure of Christ must be Present. Christ must be Present in the home. Imagine a triangle. At  the top is Christ. At the bottom are the husband and wife. The husband is at one (1) corner or angle at the bottom and the wife is at the other corner or angle at the bottom. Here is the dynamic: As husband and wife grow closer and closer and closer to Christ the twain grow closer together. As the spouses walk with Christ in close bonds, they are bonded together as well.  It is Edenic prior to the fall.
*A commitment to Love no matter what comes or how things change: Marriage is a commitment, a commitment to each other, a life long commitment. Marriage is a binding together of two (2) making one (1)….”The twain shall become one.” Marriage gives or should give an inside glimpse to the Unity within the Trinity.
Love is loyalty, Love is thinking of the other before thinking of self. And again, thinking of Christ before all. Marriage is an exclusivity. The married couple share with each other what they share with none other. There are no secrets, yet not everything needs be shared. Wisdom should guide in what is shared and what is kept quiet. Sometimes to share is to hurt and to keep something to self is to protect the feelings of the other.  Put each other first and Christ above all will make for a happy, healthy, and life-long marriage that will bring much Glory to God.
*Determination: The word divorce never enters the mind…it is an impossible thing.  There is no such animal as divorce.

*An understanding that being “in love” is not the same animal as Love, itself: Being “in love” and love are two (2) different thing.  “in love” is a chemical reaction. It is a releasing of the chemical oxytocin. Oxytocin is found in chocolate, peas, and the human brain. When a teen sees another teen and is attracted to that teen, the brain releases oxytocin into the system. This chemical effects the affections. This is the excitement a person feels when thinking of another, this is the longing for the other, this is why persons can talk on the phone forever. It is a chemical..it is a high. When a person says, “I am in love with X.” The person is speaking rightly, though they understand it not. The person thinks this is what love is and if they are adults, they may marry, BUT….the chemical will expire and then you are left with reality. This is the cause of so many divorces…reality set in. This is why there should be a time of engagement and marriage should not happen upon impulse.

*The husband thinks of the wife (1st) and the wife thinks of the husband first (1st) and   they both give Christ Preeminence over each other and over self.  We have spoken on this but it bears reminding because this is the bedrock of  a marriage.

*The forsaking of all others: If this is a problem before the marriage, it will be a problem after the marriage…..i promise and i do not make promises.

*Breaking the ties that bind one (1) to the Parents: Parents cooperating in this. This is a tough one (1). Especially in close families and most Christ-ian families are close. This is a precept of God and a precept for marriage. The newly married couple MUST leave father and mother and cleave to their spouse. The parents must allow this to happen. The parent that does not allow this is hindering the couples growth. That is not to say the parent cannot help…of course not, but the parent must do so upon request of the newly married. The man is no longer a little boy and the woman is no longer a little girl. This most like is learned through trial and error. Thick skin must be worn during the early days of the marriage.

*Agreement upon child discipline and the roles of the spouses. Each will be better at somethings than the other. Let the one (1) who is good at administration or money, run the accounts and if this is the wife, then it is the wife. The discipline of children should be executed by both.  “Wait until Dad gets home,” will put Mom in a weak light and Dad in a scary light. Both parents should be able to discipline in a very controlled manner.  No jerking, no shaking, no slapping. If the parents agree upon spanking as God’s Word designates, there is a right way to do this. Conversation before and conversation after. A hug before and a hug after. Discuss how many pats will be given. Never ever discipline when angry, never, ever, ever. Chastening a child is not a means to relieve yourself of stress.  That is abuse. Chastening is done out of love and is done in a controlled environment period.

*Sex and Intimacy: Never with-hold as a form of punishment. Invite The Spirit into the room. A relationship must not be built upon this alone. God gave this as a gift for married couples and this is the means whereby procreation is wrought. A child is brought forth from the overwhelming love of two (2) Christ-ian persons. A child is the result of a deep and abiding love. A child is one (1) more means whereby the husband and wife communicate to each other their abiding commitment one (1) to another. The child should be privately  dedicated unto the Godhead as soon as one (1) is aware of the pregnancy. Much thanks and praise should be sent God-ward.
God bless the Christ-ian marriage as it demonstrates Christ’s love for His Church.

Godspeed.