“And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”  (Ephesians 6)

There comes a time when “bring[ing] them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord,” has past. Understand this and you will experience a bit of peace.  The time to “bring them up,” has past when they are now grown ups or have been brought up. To continue to hound them and manifest a discouragement in EVERYTHING you children do, say, or think is to provoke them to wrath. How do we know this? because they continue to live in the way that displeases you. Wrath does not necessarily equate to outward anger, or yelling and shouting.

A son or daughter may manifest wrath by continuing their way of sinful living and even introducing others into their way of living. Another way a parent can provoke a son or daughter to wrath is by never “displeasing” them.  This is why Absalom betrayed David, David never displeased him or chastened him or disciplined him.  Other ways to provoke is that “certain look,” or that deep breathe of distain. Father, as it was when they were mere youths, they see and hear everything.

I’m not going to say that I am the best human father ever, but I am far from the worst.  How do I know this?  I know this by my fruit and in this case my fruit is my offspring. After having said that, let me be CLEAR of this next point; Great parents can bring up awful sons and daughters and awful parent can produce…produce, i say and not bring up…awful parents can produce great sons and daughters. Christ-ian history has many, many examples of bad parents and good kids.  This is seen in kings in the Old Testament. This is seen in preachers, and in all walks of life as well.  Granted many of the preachers or rather all of the ministers were born again, but the fact thy had rotten parents yet stand.

Having written the above, I have seen bad parents, really, really bad parents and really bad parenting.  Is there a difference? There is a difference and that being: A really good parent can, at times, parent badly. Just as a bad parent can get it right sometimes. I have three (3) daughters and they attend a Christ-ian school and have, in one (1) case K5-12. My twins have been attending and they are in their Junior year. In that time I have seen good parenting and in that time I have seen bad parenting….so bad that it breaks my heart.

I have seen some really good kids and knew that when they went home, they were going home to a less than good place. The thing is in some of these cases, the parent really believes s/he or they are doing right and their parenting is, in fact, coming from a place of LOVE. Because of these two (2) factors the probability of their parenting style changing is very low…not impossible, but low….God is the God of the Impossible.

Usually we can tell where these parenting styles will lead. How? we have seen these parenting styles before and have seen where they lead. We have been asked by a pastor to teach on the family. This has not happened yet, but it is something I long to teach and preach on.  I say preach and teach because we desire to preach to the heart and teach the mind.

We are aware of so very many cases where a good parent, a godly parent is acting from love, concern, and even fear, but they are only provoking their son or daughter to wrath.  I want to shake them by their shoulders and say, “STOP IT!!!”

There are so many cases where a parent is not qualified to help their adult child.  I remember when I was a young man, I had many screws loose. Praise God for His gift of the power of the sound mind and the power it wields. My Mom…who WAS and IS a great Mom and who I pray, so often, will continue to be a great Mom bought me a snake.  I had wanted a snake forever. She would never, ever allow it, she was not snake friendly we’ll say.  This was her answer to my problems. While i was very happy to get the snake, my problems persisted.

Why do I say my Mom, who did everything she knew to do, didn’t know what to do? When she was growing up she never shouted and swore at her mother or father, I did. When she was growing up she never held a knife in her hand and though of doing evil, I did. When she was young she never picked up a chair and threatened to throw it at her Mom or hit her mom with it. I did. She never ever thought about hitting her mother, I raised my hand to my mother. She would never fornicate in her parents home, I did. She wouldn’t bring alcohol into her mother’s home, I did. You see…i was new ground for her.  My brothers and sister, certainly caused some trouble, but not my kind of trouble.  How was she, a 5’2 petite women in her sixties (60’s) suppose to handle a rotten son who obviously shows her no respect?

Church WAS NOT the answer either. I was the one who started attending Church first (1st), my Mom and Big Momma (G-ma) began attending with me.  When I began my rebellion against God, I ceased to attend and they continued.  each Sunday, she would ask if i was going to church but after being told no, she ceased. The pastor and friends from that church would come and TRY to visit but I would refuse to see them. I told them, I cared not for God or for church and that means I care not to see them of hear them. What was my Mom to do?  She did the only thing she could do and that was pray for her rotten, rebellious son.

Reader, you might be wondering what caused me to rebel. I rebelled over the loss of a girl friend….yep a girl friend….I was that shallow and immature. Today, I thank and praise God for not allowing me that girl…a fine person, I’m sure she is…she had a good family and was even baptized in that church we were attending at that time. But If God allowed me this girl, I would have missed out on my wife…the wife of my youth and my daughters!!!  To quote a country and western song, “Thank God for unanswered prayers.”

In any event, I was addicted to alcohol, sex, anger, violence, lawlessness and the list could go on.  How did God break me from all of that?   Reader……goosebumps, I have goosebumps.  How did God break me from this rebellion?  Did He chasten me and discipline me?  Did He give me an illness?  Did He allow me the DUI’s I rightfully deserved?  Did i contract a STD?  Did a husband beat me up? Did I father an unwanted baby? Which of the above did God use to break my rebellion? None of the above.

God, instead of using any of the above, protected me from all of the above.  I would test Him to see His breaking point. Where would His love end? Reader, God has no breaking point  and His love is without bounds or limits. One (1) night after being kicked out of a bar for brawling with the man that lost his fiance to me, I “parked in wait” for this man. During my vigil, I would vomit many, many times. Though it was not audible….hear me, it was NOT audible, However it was as powerful as if it were audible.  I “heard,”  …Goosebumps and now tears, Readers. I “heard,”  “How much longer will you do this to yourself. How much longer must you test My Love?”

Reader, the following Sunday I woke up early and said to my Mom, “I’d like to go to Church today.”  She said, “you would?” and knew me enough to leave it at that.  Soon after I gave my testimony at that church that I avoided for so long.

Not long after that, the church split because of a charismatic element.  Very sad was that. Soon after that i met Debbie and began attending Church with her family. I remained at that church fora decade or so. I was youth pastor and filled in for the pastor on when the pastor left, except for Sunday morning when candidates would preach. After that decade, we left and began a small preaching and teaching ministry from our home and have written on a number of different blogs. We also minister when invited.

So you see fathers AND mothers, you might be looking at you adult child and fretting and fearing, but that is wasted spiritual energy. If you adult child grew up in a Church and  a Christ-ian home, God knows them and He knows what’s going on in their thoughts, and feelings and you DO NOT.  He knows His purposes and you don’t.  Parent, he is God and you are NOT.  You are your adult child’s parent(s) but He is God.

In closing a bit of irony, if I didn’t go through a rebellious spell and my Mom didn’t endure my rebellious spell, I would not be writing this to you and for you. Another point, God may be allowing you to suffer these pains so you have in sight to His pain when His children rebel.