“That [the aged women] may teach the younger women to be…chaste…” (Titus 2:4-5)
It seems to us that there are (2) two concerns that a parent or parents have regarding their children and especially our young girls. Those two concerns are the salvation of their everlasting souls and their purity, I.E. their chastity and virginity. One would hope and pray that the former would help with the latter. However, though the indwelling Spirit will be of tremendous assistance we cannot leave all the responsibility to God for the evil one will attack all that the Spirit will do as will our young girl’s desire to remain pure. We as parents must labor with the Holy Spirit in this worthwhile venture.
The following will act as counsel to the involved parent.
Many a parent believe in the “scare them” method. While there are many things to fear in a sexually active lifestyle this should not be the only approach. It is wise to share with them the very real dangers such as pregnancy, disease, being forsaken by peers, the harsh judgment of society, a very limited active life, the hardships that a baby born out of wedlock will face, etc. etc. etc.
One reason that the fear method will not be successful if used alone is the same reason people smoke, drink excessively, text while driving, living a promiscuous life as an adult, drinking and driving, using drugs, etc. They, like adults will say to themselves, “That won’t happen to me…I’m smarter than that.”
An additional method to helping our young girls remain chaste is holding purity up as a goal. We should explain the good points of purity and how it will benefit them greatly both now and later in life. Some of these benefits include better marriage later in life as they will be able to give something to their husband that they will ever be able to give another. Also, the marriage bed will not be a place where comparing will threaten their marriage bed. The young Christ-ian girl should be reminded often that her body and her life do not belong to her but unto God who has purchased her by His Blood. Her body does not belong to any one else including a boyfriend and he needs to be told this. Our daughters should be reminded that intact purity will honour herself, her parents, her future husband and most importantly her God Who loved her and gave Himself for her.
Other ways to help her is to take the fear method and turn them into positives and not just negatives as a baby born within the bonds of a marriage will have a better life as well as there will be no STDs to haunt the rest of her life.
One can help a young girl remain pure in more ways that words but by actions and examples.
The relationships in the child life are of tremendous value. The healthy and loving relationship between her mother and father are of incalculable weight as is the friendship between her and her father. If one looks at the family life of a a young lady that is with child out of wedlock one will often find a broken family. This young girl, if there is a father in the home, it will be a strained relationship. When there are strained relations between the daughter and father, if there is any relationship, the young girl will seek that kind of relationship from another and will do much to realize it. It has been said that girls end up marrying a man that reminds her of her father. This could be a great thing or a thing or horror.
Another way to help our daughter remain pure is the relationship between ourselves and the boyfriend. When I counsel fathers with the following I usually receive laughter. Let me state this clearly…I do not mean this to be a statement of levity but a statement of soberness and gravity. The father should leave certain items out for the boyfriend observation and consideration. Some items that could be left out would be fixed bladed knives, brass knuckles, firearms magazines and catalogs, as well as martial arts “how to” books. One need not draw the boyfriend attention to these items; he will find them on his own. One need not wait for a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship to be announces before leaving these items out as one does not know when a friendship will bud out of friendship. A father should be slow to be the b.f.s pal. One should keep the b. friend from being overly comfortable around you but you should see to it that the b.friend is in the home often. When the boy friend become “father approved” allow him to feel at home with you. After all that being said concerning the boyfriend let me sum it up thusly, Let the boyfriend be afraid to cross you and then afraid to disappoint you.
We as the parent(s) of a young girl/woman who is in a relationship with a boy let us make it a priority to meet and to develop a strong relationship with his parent(s). One can usually judge the boy by the parents and vice versa. It would be a good move to introduce yourself to his pastor and introduce you pastor to the boy. It is also a smart move to allow this young couple to visit each others church. Some of you reading this may think we are going a little overboard. You will not think this if your daughters leave the narrow path that leads to Heaven. There is no such thing as going overboard when it comes to your daughters well being short of murder!!!
The most important thing one can do is to pray for your daughter and to pray with your daughters…often. Next to one’s love for God and the love for one’s spouse is the love for your daughter.
In closing, Trust God and your daughter to God and seek God’s help in raising a godly daughter you can trust.
Develop a deep relationship with your child that they will strive to please you and be fearful to disappoint you…not fearful of angering you but breaking your heart.
Now, what if your daughter has lost her purity? How should you react? Do not react…respond but do not react. Do not look at this as a reflection on you. She should be your focus and not yourself. How should you then respond? You should respond by having a discussion with her but pray first. The content of the discussion should be your confession of sin….WHAT? Yes! You must begin this difficult discussion with the confession of your sin(s). You must remove the large piece of wood from your eye before you can see the dust in her eye. Start from the presupposition that she is already aware or her sin. However, do not make the mistake of thinking you cannot confront this sin because you committed the same sin when you were her age. This is a stupid (harsh word but meant) position that weak parents pretend to take. If the parent is saved then that sin is remembered no more by God. If you are not a Christ-ian you have still learned a lot since your teenage years and are aware of the difficulties young and single motherhood poses. If your child has lost her purity be understanding and love her and then pray for her. Tell her you will, with God’s help be very present in her life.
Finally, Beloved Reader, You may implement all of the above and your child may still fail to remain pure. If you have done all you can…if you have done everything write her failure does not reflect you. Remember also God can work all things out for her good if she loves Him.